I found out that my wife of 33 years has been having an affair involving bondage and discipline for the last 7.5 years. It began after a high school reunion when an old flame asked her if she had any sexual fantasies. She answered yes and a bi-yearly relationship began meeting mostly in Las Vegas. Over the last 2 years it had progressed into attending swinger's bars and involving other men (strangers) in sex acts. I found out all by finding emails in a secret account. She claims that she still loves me and that these episodes gave her a thrill, made her feel sexually appealing to others and made her feel thrilled that a "goody two shoes" could behave this way. She claims it is all over and that she is ashamed of herself and deeply sorry. It was never meant to hurt me, but was only for her own "selfishness". For my part, I'm doing my best to forgive and forget because I still love her and want to believe that she is over this insanity. We're presently seeing a therapist separately but nothing has made me feel better about this. My question: can a person truly stop this behavior and be happy without ever doing it again? Could she be capable of not being in love with her bondage partner and still loving me at the same time as she claims?
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