I am a 31 year old man with feelings of helpless rage that constantly infect and destroy most things such as friendships and relationships I come into contact with. I have a few friends who know I do not like being this way and, over time, I have come to trust them more than they will ever know.
My self-esteem does not exist. I have no feelings of self-worth. Hate and anger are a frequent entities in my mind. I have used recreational drugs to subdue this emptiness I suffer. Now, I no longer use and am forced to be face to face with myself. My dreams are corrupted by scenes of failure and desertion of the people whom I really do love.
What am I supposed to do to control this as it has haunted me all my life. I had breakdowns and a suicide attempt. I hate the image of myself in the mirror. I have 3 kids so suicide is not an option anymore. Where do I go? What do I do? I am really losing my soul. I have manipulated situations using malice and tooth gritting anger to the point where people are afraid of my reactions. My now ex-wife has developed a social axiety because of me. This is adding to my feelings of self-hatred and self-loathing.
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